I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
