time to smoke my breakfast
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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