The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
