We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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