glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
