the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I lost the right to judge tonight
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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