I wanna passion pit in your ass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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