I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
