is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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