Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
