That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
