I just saw a hot homeless man
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my being single is dangerous.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
