My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
