Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
