I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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