I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
