Got a toothbrush?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
