Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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