I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
