my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
