he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
