And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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