This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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