My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
