Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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