me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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