All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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