her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
