you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize