Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
