If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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