Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
