Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
