trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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