Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she smelled like a LAN party
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
