Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
