i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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