I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
