She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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