im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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