who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
