dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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