just tell him i said nine months
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
