It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize