we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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