I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
