i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
