you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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