I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize