Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
