I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So drunk its hurt
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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