My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
