I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
