i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
