Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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