Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
