is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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