Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize