Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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