I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
