Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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