we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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