hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
