He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
