Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
