A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
