hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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