question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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